I think I need to take up juggling........stress balls.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit *making sign of the cross*. It has been 4 weeks since my last confession blog post.

What a four weeks it's been.The stress levels are reachig a maximum as I try and juggle, uni, work, my family, housework and a social life. Two of these I have mentioned have been neglected totally. When the semester started I was lulled into a false sense of security. Week one will always start with a 20 minute lecture welcoming you, a reading of 3 pages (usually the introduction or foreword of a text) and the discussion board post/activity will be a short blurb about yourself. Simple. As the weeks wear on the workload doubles quadruples. Each week I dedicate time for study. Monday I try to get as much done as possible with the kids around. Tuesday they are at care so I try to belt out as much as I can usually leaving me with readings and discussion board posts to complete of a night when I get home from work (never happens) and during the day on Wednesday and Thursday. The last couple of weeks there has been a bit going on, so the things I plan to catch up on never happens. This has resulted in me playing catch up, which is reality is like me being one of those crazy dogs chasing their tail. Both that crazy dog and I never get what we are chasing!

I don't want to sound like a whinger but there quite honestly are not enough hours in the day! I am usually a laid back relaxed person and don't let much faze me but the pressure is starting to get to me. I snap at the kids, have no quality time to spend with them and the time I do spend with them I feel like all I do is yell. Shopping with my darling boys on Friday at Big W I was mortified by Master J's outburst at a complete stranger. Trying to make our way back to our trolley and a woman was standing there looking at clothing. I said to Master J "Say excuse me please". Instead he bellows "Move out of my way". I cringe and apologise, explain to Master J that you do not speak to people like that. Then today whilst getting them ready for care, I am trying to make their lunches and Master J is constantly under my feet. Instead of saying to him "Excuse me please" I bellow "Move out of my way". And I wonder where he gets it from :( This then has resulted in mothers guilt. Which I am sure mothers who work full time go through everyday. I feel guilty that I have no patience with the kids and I am studying to become a teacher, a job that requires you to be patient with kids. Am I scarring my children and teaching them bad habits because of my stress levels, lack of sleep and lack of patience? I am looking forward to Semester 1 being over so I can spend quality time with them and have fun with them because lately I feel like all I do is yell. And just thinking about it makes me teary. It's not their fault, it's mine how bored must they be being stuck at home 5-6 days a week with their only outing usually being the supermarket and childcare. I want to take them on adventures and expand their little minds, am I sacrificing my own children to teach someone elses in the future?

I find myself having days latley where I am thinking this is too much, I can't juggle work, study, family life and other obligations. Surely it would be easier for me to work full time and start bringing in the cash now! I have to keep telling myself it will be over in 4 1/2 years and then we will be in a better position financially and the boys will have more time to spend with me because we will on holidays from school at the same time. Four and half years? I say that like it's easy, but it is going to be a serious struggle. On the plus side the boys start kinder next year which we just found out is for 3 full days a week! Woo Hoo How sad. ;) I know a minute ago I was saying how guilty I feel. But in reality if the boys are at school 3 full days a week then that means I have 3 full days of study a week instead of 1. Surely that will mean they are getting the attention and stimulation they need at school and I will be able to spend quality time with them on their days off! And I will be able to bowl over my Uni workload in the 3 days they are not here.

3 assessments submitted and 3 to go. Then Semester 1 is over. Then a little break before starting 4 weeks prac. Eeeeek. I am nervous. It will be another task to add to my already busy schedule. I have received my mark back for one assessment a PP+. I am happy with a pass. Yeah sure distinctions and high distinctions are better but when push comes to shove I only need to pass to graduate. My future potential employers aren't going to ask to see all my marked assignments. They just want to see the degree!!!